Wow 2019 is here.

It's been more than a month since last time I came here.

Can't say there is a specific reason. Just Life happening and some lack of will.

I have to say that I have been feeling very lost for the last few months, if not for the all year.

There are too many moments where I can say I lost track of who I am and what I was doing.

It started with work, then family and even more romantic relationships, and it ends with my inner me.

I don't seem to be able to find true happiness no matter what. I have short periods of drops of happiness and then it just dries and it is getting harder and harder to see the good things in Life as I was always able to do.

I guess it is the fact that I just got older and made all these deep analysis of who I am and what I have been doing all this time.

There are no specific resolutions for the new year. I want to find myself again and for good.

I will keep working on a healthier Life style, will study to finish my apprenticeship with a good grade, will try to focus in doing a great job at work even when I am bored and at the same time I want to keep giving some moments of joy to my family, specially to my parents.

In 2019, we have 365 new chances to change what we don't like and doesn't make us happy, so I will take it with confidence and hope you all do the same.

Be Happy! No one else can be it for you!

Happy New Year!  

Dancing through Life.

I gave a lot of thought if I should bring this topic to the blog.

I do prefer to talk about positive situations, but every now and then something not that great also happens and there no point of pretending it didn't.

Sometimes I feel I attract problematic people, people full of bad energies who just throw their own resentments and frustrations on me. 

I believe most of the times I can deal with those people pretty well to the point I even stay close to them. 

I realise most of them are not conscious of their behaviour and apart from that I can consider them good people. Other times that doesn't happen like that and, sadly, I get very disappointed.

This time it happened at work. I have this colleague who I have considered a friend up until a few days ago.

It was so bad that at one moment I was apologizing for something I had nothing to do with and I was actually feeling bad and sorry for my colleague.

Only after giving a very deep thought on that I came to realise that it was not my fault that that person was not feeling confident about the work done or even that someone gave me as an example to help with that colleague's work.

I had noticed that my colleague was distant and barely talked to me but it could be something going on or that I said something without noticing I was saying the wrong thing.

But no. It all came to the conclusion that that person was feeling with low self-confidence and somehow the one to blame was me.

I feel sorry that people can be like that and damage good relationship, as the one I believed we had.

Everyone is human and can feel jealous of other people but I think that when it comes to a point that they blame someone else for their own failures or even wish negative things to others, then that people can not be good or good to be around.

I feel sad how this situation turned out but I started to put a lot more distance between us and decided to see that person as just a colleague who don't need to know anything about my personal life or even my achievements at work.

I started this post by saying that I feel I attract negative people because every now and then someone like this appears in my Life.

Anyway, time to move on and let this negative feeling behind.

Have a great week!  

Speed dating.

Yes, I did try a new experience.

I have to say that it was much better than I was expecting.

But it was not something I felt right for me.

I did have fun and don't regret going for one second.

Starting from the least attractive points:

- too many people - my energy was gone by the time I finished talking with all 20 guys about more or less the same topics;

- some veterans in this type of meetings;

- guys who acted like only girls had to impress and made no effort;

- 4 minutes actually looked like 1 but energy lost as it were 30; 

- one or two guys forgot to take a shower.

Positive points:

- there were some handsome guys;

- there were some exceptions to "same old topics";

- It was a new experience;

- the place was really nice;

- the music was top.

If I will go again? Maybe one more time but with a different age bracket (this was 25 - 35) - to see if it is more interesting.

If I would recommend?

Off course. A new experience is always good even if it is to know that we don't want that, so go, try and let me know how was your experience.

Good night!

Anniversary.

A year ago I was in the stage fighting my first boxing match.

One of those things that we are not even thinking about but suddenly everything seems to lead you to it.

My fighting classes at the gym and then an email inviting to the first White Collar Fighting Club match.

My first thought was "nahhh" but then the idea kept growing until it became "why not?".

To make it more appealing the money raised would be for a good cause and it felt like an opportunity that was worth taking.

Today I am very happy that I accepted the challenge and went for it and even managed to take the medal home.

Yesterday it was the 1 year anniversary and to celebrate it, the White Collar Fight Club organised a new show of matches (7th) and I was invited. 

Tempted to go, but at the same time thinking that was a closed chapter, so I decided not to attend.

I have great memories of that night and the from the all process - 8 weeks of training with wonderful people - and I will always advise anyone to participate in one, it is an amazing feeling and even better when you win.

So if you ever thought about it but are not sure, just go for it, you will never regret it.

Now, I'm on to another challenge for next year.

And you, what is your next challenge?

Empathy.

Sometimes I feel I am not able to show other people the empathy I feel towards them.

I do say over and over again that I am a weird person, but most people take it as a joke and don't see that I am telling the truth.

Today I felt it again with my cousin.

It seemed the words I was saying didn't mean to her what I was trying to say and I got the feeling she felt attacked which was never what I meant.

So today I feel a bit sad. We talked about it and everything seems fine now, but if there's something I have learned is that once the words are said there's no going back.

Maybe I said it with wrong tone or in my head it made perfect sense and nothing bad but once it came out she heard something totally different.

I know she's in a very complicated situation, that she is trying her best and doesn't need any more pressure to make things worst.

Nothing else should matter now than make everything we can to make the situation easier and better and I should always be the first person to understand it as many times I was lucky enough to find amazing good people who gave the hand I needed. I am truly grateful for all the help and shoulders I got over the years.

Hopefully tomorrow it will be a good day. Specially to her.

Good night!

To L.

"Dear L.,

I have so many things that I want to tell you because you are important to me.

Over all these years, there has always been a piece of me missing.

I've lost count of how many times I have said "I don't care anymore" or "I have given up". And then I try again.

Somehow, I know that you are there for me if I need and that is enough when it comes to other friends. I know they are there, I care about them but I don't feel the need to get back in touch often. And that is not because I don't like them as much. 

You see, the thing is, we have been through a lot together, I shared my deepest thoughts and feelings with you at many important times and you never judge me in any way.

I miss you. A lot. And it's not just when I have a problem, but when I achieve something good, when I have a good news or even silly thoughts or opinions.

I saw that you are going to this spiritual trip somewhere and that triggered me to think that I will try again to regain that unique friendship we used to have.

Maybe now, that we all grew up to be distinct people from a few years ago, we can all be a group again.

I think you wouldn't feel left out this time. I believe we could all see how we belong together apart and that we can take our friendship to the next level - the family we have chose.

Believe me - they all miss you too - there's never a time when we are together that someone doesn't bring your name to the table.

And I hope you miss us too.

We all changed over these years. 

And I think you'd like us, who we are now.

N. is still the only guy (man) in the group and, although he is more mature, he still has some silly jokes that only him could come up with. He is enjoying his job to a certain level and he will never move from our city - too scared of flying or going into a boat, he says.

C. is probably the one who has changed the most. She is back to dancing and that took her to great adventures and experiences. She is very eager to live the Life at its fullest and getting surrounded by positive energies.

S.V. has discovered other passions than fashion and beauty and has started a new project with her brother. She is still trying to figure out some parts of herself and what she wants from the future, but she is getting there.

S.F. has moved to a different city to work and is building her life there. She is still the one who is a bit more pessimist about Life but I guess that gives us a reality check every now and then.

P. is now living in the french territory. She is doing well too. Still the same peaceful girl who accepts whatever life brings and makes the best of it - it has been working pretty well with her.

M. doesn't come out with us that much but she is still one of us. She has a different Life now. Some things didn't go the way she was expecting but she is and has always been a fighter. 

And then you have me. I think I changed a bit, still the same awkward, silly and adventurous girl who wears an armour almost to every one.

In your hashtag you put you walk alone. I say "you don't have to, we are here for you"."

Married at first sight.

Consequences of modern times or going back to old times?

There's a new tv show, also seen as a social study, in Portugal, called what in English would be translated as Married at first sight .

And the names says it all - strangers who only meet their future spouse when they are in front of the priest.

Everything is arranged and based on several interviews with doctors and coaches to find the perfect, or almost, match.

And I see this as a sign of the modern times as this is nothing but a consequence of technologies that make people too busy or too picky or any other reason that makes them think this may be the only chance to marry someone.

After the dating apps and others as such, this seems to be a direct result  and it affects people from all backgrounds and ages.

On the other hand, I can't stop seeing it as a return to old times - although today it is still seen in many cultures - when people have an arranged marriage. Different reasons are behind it, though, starting from assuring the family future, financially or through connections, to guarantee there are isn't any mixture with other ethnicity/ race.

I can understand why people go to this show, trying to achieve a dream that seems impossible in any other way, as I find myself single and unmarried, even though I live in this big city with millions of choices (they say?!). 

I am, however, confused as to what this means for our western society or to where we are being dragged.

Something to think about and to reflect.

Have a great night!   

Know your loved ones.

Have you ever been disappointed or surprised by someone you know for so long that you thought you knew everything about them and they could never show you something unexpected?

Well, I guess, we all do this on a daily basis. Even without knowing it.

Especially with our parents. 

We think we know exactly who they are but mostly we only see them as our parents. 

We forget they are women and men who have their own dreams, desires and ambitions as any other person. 

We forget that they have not given up their life to raise us, they chose to add us to their life and yes, they do try do make their best to allows us a good future, but they are still their own person who is still trying to figure out what comes next.

I guess that's why some times we don't see them as humans and we get disappointed because they have flaws like everyone else and are not the super heroes we always thought. 

And we get surprised to find out they also know how to have fun with friends in the exact same way we do with our friends.

I once got disappointed with my parents because I was not expecting that reaction and I was upset for a while but at the same time that made me think about all this.

That happened a while ago but it was the trigger that made me see my parents as individuals who are more than my parents. And that was great.

Nowadays, I still get surprised and I believe that won't stop happening because I know them better now more than I ever thought and it is still something that I want to keep happening. Not just with them but with everyone I love.

Too deep?

Well, we need to value our loved ones as much as we can because one day will be too late.

Have a great weekend! 

Yayoi Kusama.

Artist.

Amazing.

Japanese (somehow it gives this even more artistic feelings).

Pumpkins.

Infinity mirrors.

If you have not seen it, you have to run to her nearest exhibition.

Although, in London, is a very, very, small one, it's still great.

Can't wait to go to her museum one day!

Animals... aren't we all?!

Yes, I missed it yesterday. From work to gym and cooking and so on, it went completely out of my Things to do list. But here I am today and maybe it is much better like that.

They say today is the Animals' International day.

And what is there to say? A lot, I would say.

Ever since I know myself as a person, I have been around pets and I can't even express properly how much they mean to me.

And, although, everyone say they have a favourite one, I can't choose one because they are all so cute and unique in their own way that you can't stop being amazed by them.

There was a moment in my Life that things were not going well, when it was about employment, and I was very close to that thin line that, when crossed, takes you to depression. Back then I had a cat, Nikita, and a dog, Juliao.

I really felt like they knew when I was at my lowest and, many times, when I was tired of feeling sorry for myself and putting that weight on my parents or people around me, I could feel that Nikita would feel it and she was always by my side. I would talk to her and she would listen, which was all I needed sometimes. It really broke my heart when both of them died and it still hurts thinking about it, but the memories are here and they are great.

A couple of days ago, talking to a colleague, he said he would put a human life above an animal's one without a second thought and I couldn't decide if I would be able to see that choice that easily. I do know, in certain cases, it would be a clear decision, but in others... let's just say I prefer that I will never come across a situation where I do have to make a decision like that.

In a lighter perspective, have you check the videos on Youtube focused on animals? It is impossible not to love them!

Have a great night!

Listening to...

It's Sunday and a new week is coming - 7 days, 24 hours per day - to live your Life the best you can.
So, just do it! Live, Love and Laugh!



Have a great week!

Old new series.

Sometimes I get a little melancholic and either watch old movies that have some kind of meaning to me or go back to old series.

Everytime I watch it, it is like I reconnect with who I was and who I am now. At the same time, things that I thought I understood back then, I realise it had different meanings but, more than that, I see that they are more accurate to the present than ever.

Or maybe it is just the time I'm living at this age, which can now be more similar to the characters in there.

A while ago, I watched all seasons of Sex & the City and I could identify myself or others, moments and thoughts or behaviours with the life those characters were living. And it was so funny because I could remember things I thought I forgot and it was like I could understand my own life better.

I really think this series shows the reality in London at the present. It might be that New York was actually ahead in time when compared or maybe London has been like this since back then - 20 years ago - as well.

History does say our society lives through cycles and that's why some events tend to repeat itself over and over again.

Then I moved on to Friends. In a different story line, this series shows a lot of what I see in my friends' life at the moment and mine too. Even the falling in love for a very good old friend. 

I know it is just a coincidence made from common places and behaviours that happen in almost everyone's Life. But it is good to see our own thoughts and attitudes in others because it makes us think about it in a different perspective and we can all learn from it.

I think the only thing I don't get to feel much of a connection is with the characters sense of fashion - even some of the shoes Carrie wore were pretty awful and Phoebe's outfits were hilarious - but I guess that was a different time.

How about you, which were the tv series or movies that represent a time of your Life?

Have a good night!

September, my dear.

I had an amazing weekend planned about which I was going to talked about in here today.

But that did happened. My weekend was ok, although had nothing major worth talking about in here.

So, instead I will just tell about some random things that have been in my mind.

Most people consider or sees January as the time to make all big plans and future resolutions for the rest of the year. Me, otherwise, always felt September was the month to make changes and somehow it does make a lot of sense to me.

It came from my school times - after the big holidays, when I was at my happiest and full of all that amazing energy that the Sun and the Sea combined with the summer adventures with friends and family had put in me. And then it was time to start school, new books, new clothes, new people and sometimes even new schools. Everything seemed so exciting and I could not wait to start (good old days!).

Anyway, after finishing my studies I kept that feeling that September was "my January". This year I didn't had much time to think about it because all of a sudden I had all this unplanned changes happening and it took me a while to actually process all of it.

I guess it was only when I came back from holidays almost 2 weeks ago that I started to deal with the changes and started making all these resolutions to myself.

And they all go back to the same major resolution that I seem not to be able to fight for it and as a results it ruins all the others. But I do not give up and this time, once again, I will care more for myself and put Me as the most important person in my Life.

It is sad to me to realise that I have not achieved this one yet. I tend to tell other people to do that for themselves and have failed in every single aspect of my Life to do it for me. There is always a reason, a person or whatever for me to use as an excuse but I am determined to make it stop now.

So that is my big "New Years resolution" - ME - and with that I believe I can achieve all my other goals, one step at a time.

This is not meant to be a sad post or anything as such, but just a statement that will motivate me, by putting it out to everyone, and maybe others who need that extra push to believe, love and fight for themselves.

Enjoy your night and have a great week! 

Almost there.

So, I know it has been a long time since last time, but the wait is over. From next Sunday, I will be back to this blog, posting at least twice a week and giving you all the latest news about anything that crosses my mind.

And now, just to thank you for keep coming here, please enjoy the pictures I took of the this amazing sunset, which was in a little place called Odeceixe in Algarve, Portugal - it is more than worthed to visit.

 Have a great week!

To chill.

Having a horrible few days with this never ending search for a place. In the meantime getting so frustrated with people.

Anyway, here is a great song to chill before going back to work tomorrow.

Have a great week.

On hold.

I haven't been here for a week or so.

Life doesn't always give us the choice to lead the way.

So, to make it short, this last week has been exhausting. 

Nothing that would give me amazing and fun stories to tell, just boring episodes in the search for a new place.

As you all know, there are tons of adverts online and even more agencies that will promise this and that. 

That has been my Life, after work searching online and visiting houses. And it is never easier than the previous time.

After moving to this flat, I thought I would stay here for at least 6 months. It ended up very abruptly last week when the landlord asked me to give up the only assurance I had that would prove that my payments made to her were for rent.

You see, we had no contract - she could not do a contract - and because I thought we were kinda friends I trusted and accepted her conditions. And when she asked to let go my only security I just couldn't put myself at risk and the solution was to move out.

My time has been only dedicated to it. Today I thought I had found one, but, again, no contract was to be made and I'm feeling so tired that I have decided to give myself a day off of searching.

Until I find a new place this blog will be hold, which I hope it won't for long as my last day in this house is coming around the corner.

Have a great week and talk to you soon.

World on fire.

And this is literally the case!

So, I have told that I am portuguese. I'm from the south of Portugal, from a really nice, small town.

As you have been feeling it, here in the UK it has been very hot these past few weeks, which is very unusual - can't remember a summer here, since I moved, where it was such a nice weather for so long - but I guess the global warming is becoming a reality faster than anyone could believe.

The fact is, Portugal is known for being very hot and having a great weather all year around and, in my area, the weather tend to be especially hot during summer time. Because of it, every year we have to deal to fires, natural ones and not so natural.

At this moment, there is a small village called Monchique close to my city that has been fighting against the flames for the past five days. Some people have lost their homes, the firemen have been working non stop and there are people coming from other parts of the country and even from other countries to help out.

But, up until now it has not been enough and all the help is welcome - water, food and other supplies for the people who lost everything, for the firemen who are exhausted and also for the animals that live in the wild parts but also the domestic ones.

It is a very sad moment for Portugal once again, there is so much to be done to prevent this events to happen and everyone is to blame for this, not just the government.

If you are on holidays in Algarve - you must have heard of the situation - or if  you are somewhere and can help, please do so. Today this people and animals need your help, tomorrow you may need theirs.

Thank you. 

See you soon.

It looks like friendship is still the theme of the day.

Only in a different direction.

Yesterday I said goodbye - in a good way - to a good friend who I have met here in London.

I met her and another girl at a Halloween Party in the house of a friend of mine who knew her. All portuguese people. And that was almost three years ago.

Over the years, the three of us kept in touch and became good friends. And now that I'm thinking about it, if we would have another girl in the group we could have look like Sex and the City (LOL).

A few months ago, this friend started to feel like she was kinda lost in her Life and was not sure about what she wanted to do.

I guess we all go through those feelings every now and then, but not many of us actually act on it and try to find an answer.

She had a good job, something that she enjoyed doing, had a nice group of friends, traveled a lot, but that was not enough and she decided now was the time to make a change and find out if she wants something different or if she will just come back and keep doing her job.

So, she thought she needed to take some time off and for months have been planing her big trip to south America with another friend for a minimum of four months - she wants to go back to Portugal for Christmas. 

Well, after contextualization, I get to the point I wanted to talk about. I have realised how important this friend and the other one have become to me. Somehow, along the way, we built a nice strong friendship, where we could be ourselves, talk about everything and knew that we could count on the others at any time.

I guess I am surprised how I feel about them because, here in London, is not easy to make friends and as I am kinda of a quiet person, it is even more difficult. Yes, you do meet a lot of people, especially at work, but soon you realise that they are only colleagues, the 'friendship' ends when you leave the work place most of the times. 

With my experiences in making friends here, I know I started to put even more obstacles to people who may want to approach me and I thought I was doing the same with them, taking things slowly and not trusting too much. I see now, I was doing the opposite and as I said before, they became very close to my heart.

Yesterday it was hard to say goodbye to her, but the three of us will meet when she comes back to hear all of her adventures and in the meantime we have social media.

Life is really funny sometimes and quite tricky to understand or rationalise but it never stop to amaze me.

Good night and have a great week!

My old friend.

And we have our Summer back!

Today I reconnected with a childhood friend. Last time we had spoken was 5 years ago, but we were very close friends for more than 20 years.

We used to be neighbours and our families were very close, since we were still babies, so we grew up together like brothers, always in each other´s house. He has an uncle almost the same age and, the three of us, and a few more kids, used to be all the time together after school until dinner time - good old days, when you could just play around in the streets without any issue.

But anyway, his father left Portugal when he was quite young, moved to England and he was living with his grandparents. Since we were young, you could see that the absence of his father had a big impact in the person he was. And his mother was not around as well, both parents only visiting him once a year.

My friend used to say that he would moved in with his father soon. He actually believed that that would happen every single time his father would go on holidays, and we all believed too - it always looked like his father was having this amazing life here in the UK because, whenever he would go to Portugal, he would rent this fancy car and would take all of us, his son´s friends to the beach or even to ride horses.

The thing is, and as kids we never saw or would understand it, back then, there was this idea that all emigrants were rich just by living and working outside our country and, a lot of the emigrants, when they would go back to their home country, they would act as they were living the dream.

Time went by and, only when we were in our early twenties and my friend had finished school, was working and was more independent, he decided it was time to live with his father and get to know him better. He thought it would be easy to find a good job and have an amazing Life like his father.

But that never happened. And he ended up seeing the truth about his father, his hero, but he also chose to stay with him because, in the end, he didn´t want the great Life, he just wanted to have a father present in his Life.

He has had a difficult Life, full of step-backs, and that changes a person more than we think. And that was what I have realised today by talking to him. Nowadays, we are very different people and we don´t know each other anymore, our friendship lives on our memories from all those years ago.

However, I still know he will have my back whenever I need as I will always have his.

Good night everyone!

Oh! Deer me.

Today I'm in pain, can't barely walk from my bed to the toilet.

Sometimes we tend to forget how old we are and just go climbing trees like we are still kids and then sometimes it does not go well.

So, yesterday, after 4 years living in London, I finally went to the Richmond Park. The park is really nice and big and full of trees or tree trunks. And where is the best place to take really nice pictures?

Yes, that's it - on top of the tree trunks.

This just to say that I climbed one and when I wanted to come off it, not really know what went through my head, instead of going back to the lower part, I just jumped from the highest and when landing I twisted my leg. It did started to hurt a bit but I was still able to get home, just to wake up this morning with a swollen leg.

The good part of all this is that we saw some deers running around and again the park is really nice, can't wait to go back and spend more time exploring it. Hopefully I will be a bit more careful next time and don't make myself get hurt.

Good night!

Toastmasters - check!

Hi everyone!

Today I'm going to tell you all about my latest item in my To do list that has just been crossed out.

I have this very good friend back in Portugal who, for years have been talking about the Toastmasters and inviting me to go along. I have always said I would go but somehow never went.

Then I came to live in London and again she told me that there were loads of Toastmasters clubs here. Again, I promised I would go and even searched for some locations and chose the one I wanted to try first. But again, Life happened or just was not the right time, and then after 4 more years, I did go last Monday.

And what made me change my mind? Well, I realised I needed something to help me grow professionally and that seems to be a first step. 

And what is this Toastmasters that I have been bragging about?

Well, the Toastmasters is like a school or an ongoing course, I would say. Its main purpose is to help you develop your public speaking during the sessions and these are quite different from what you would expect or at least from what I was expecting.

First, I went by myself, without knowing anyone and not quite sure how it would work, but in my mind I would just be at the back observing how it is. Nothing could have been more different.

As soon as I got there, this very smiley guy came to me asking my name and explaining very briefly how it was going to be and if I wanted to participate - which I politely declined - and then he told me to sit anywhere but, while talking, he was pushing me to the front.

After a few minutes another guy sits next to me and introduces himself and we chatted for a bit - it didn't felt that scary at that point.

Don't worry, I am not going to describe the full session as I don't want to make you feel bored, will just give you a brief idea of what went on.

So, to start, almost everyone has a role and, from what I understood, some roles change before every session. You have the Timekeeper, the Grammarian, the President, the evaluators of the speakers, the evaluators of the evaluators, the speakers, the responsible for the Table topic and the Madame/ Mister Toastmasters.

The speakers are evaluted according to how they have delivered their speach, including behaviour, movements, words, time, grammar and the use or not of the word of the session. There is a different new word in every session that is not used on a daily basis and you get points if you use it.

I went to the one in Grosvenor Square and will go again for sure. If you want to know more about it go to the Toastmasters website.

Thank you for keeping reading my words and thoughts, it has been amazing seeing the visits growing everyday.

Goodnight!